I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
