Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
