Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
