Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
do herpes really smell.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
