I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
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