So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
