we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
