I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
