How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
