So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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