Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
