Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
