My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
