i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
