Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So vagazzling was a success
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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