It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
