margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize