My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
