come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
