Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Be still, my beating vagina.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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