I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
