If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Welp...herpes.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
