Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Text me some of your sweat
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
