On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
my phone needs a breathalizer
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
