There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
