As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
