Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
he shaved USA in his pubs
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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