I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
