When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
