I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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