worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
