I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
