A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
