at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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