Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
