omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
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