thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
