i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
