omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
