Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
