just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
