i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
