I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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