Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
