the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
