Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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