But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
