didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Randomize
