i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
