You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You had me at "let me see your balls"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
