She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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