i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
