make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
