i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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