After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
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